Stop Acting Like It's Easy

Jill Miskelley

So today... I received another one of those mental health pamphlets in the mail. It talks about depression, anxiety, grief... and it is filled with the same old, tired, superficial advice. Eat well. Get some exercise. Drink water. Practice mindfulness. "Have a resilient family"—whatever that is supposed to mean! It is the exact same stuff we ran into with our son, Ian. And frankly? It makes me angry. Let’s be completely honest here: these self-help ideas are NOT a cure for real, severe mental illness! They are an absolute slap in the face to families dealing with a life-threatening medical crisis! If your child had leukemia, or heart disease, you wouldn't dare tell them to just 'drink more water' or 'be more mindful' to cure it. No! You get medical treatment! And that treatment includes the family. Ian’s illness was a lifelong battle—not a temporary rough patch—and it wasn't something he could just "think" or "exercise" his way out of. And that... that brings me to the absolute hardest, most devastatingly frustrating part of this entire journey. The system constantly tells families to "reach out and get help." Okay, so we do! We reach out! But once you actually get inside that system? Families are completely ignored. Shut out. Completely ignored. We... are NOT... listened to! The professionals don't ask the people who live with the patient every single day—the ones who know them best, who love them, who see the reality—what they are actually seeing! We were kept in the dark. Shut out of Ian's care. We were literally told, "Oh, he’ll be better when he goes to college" or "Just have him quit swimming." No real guidance. No roadmap. Just completely, utterly ignoring the family's vital, life-saving perspective. It makes me want to scream! We have to stop pretending that self-help pamphlets and "just talking to someone" are the answers. We have to start listening—really listening—to the families who are on the front lines, fighting for their loved ones' lives! This is why we started Team Be Better. This is why we created the Ian's Team Family Roadmap. Our absolute mission is to ensure that behavioral health care is just as family-centered as physical health care. Let's listen to the families. Let's change this broken system. And let's be better.